


Symmetry

by valda



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Domestic, Future, Ghosts, M/M, Past Abuse, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-04
Updated: 2015-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-12 22:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4497897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valda/pseuds/valda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Roger's birthday, and he's coming home from college for a visit. But something upsetting happened to Kevin today...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Symmetry

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chameowmile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chameowmile/gifts).



> This was written for kevin-the-chicken, who made a [plaintive request on Tumblr](http://kevin-the-chicken.tumblr.com/post/125614724198/i-need-earlkevin-fics-in-my-life-but-the-ship-is).

This dress was a little unwieldy to wear while doing housework…but it was so pretty. It was pale blue with white polka dots, a broad white belt cinching the waist below a halter top that left his shoulders pleasantly bare. Earl especially liked the way his petticoat swished around him beneath the full skirt. The dress made him feel special. And today was special.

He had, however, foregone pumps in favor of low-heeled sandals. It would not do to stumble while wrestling with the vacuum cleaner, which took advantage of any weakness.

Earl was humming to himself lightly as he forced the Hoover across the living room floor, occasionally threatening it with further violence, when the door unexpectedly swung open. (The door was invisible from the outside of the house, as were all entrances and windows to the tract homes in Jackrabbit Junction. It afforded them a nice sense of privacy, Earl thought.)

“You’re home early!” he smiled, fighting the vacuum cleaner into a chokehold before looking up. “Oh,” he said then, concern drawing his eyebrows together. “Did you have a bad day?”

Kevin was smiling.

Earl had learned over the past year to read Kevin’s smiles. There was the cute, embarrassed one that left him looking away shyly. There was the angry one that was close to a snarl. There was the confused one—his eyes would roll up and away as his curving lips puckered slightly. There was the truly happy smile that at first had seemed, terrifyingly, as though it might split Kevin’s face in two.

This was none of those.

This was the smile that froze Kevin’s lips in a mirthless grin, that stole the light from his eyes and left his face a devastatingly empty mask. This was the smile that accompanied slow shuffles of movement, a resigned sort of bearing, a complete lack of personal agency.

Kevin had smiled this smile a lot, years ago. Now, it usually meant he had remembered something.

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” Kevin said in a bright, cheery voice that was nevertheless barely audible over the vacuum. He closed the door and hung his navy blue suit jacket and brown briefcase on the hall tree. “Everything’s fine. What can I help with for the party?”

“Hold on, let me just—” Earl manhandled the Hoover into the entryway closet, muttering “Shut up!” at it. It of course did not shut up, and Earl sighed and closed the closet door, muffling the sound. “There,” he said, brushing down the front of his dress and sighing. He turned back to find Kevin gazing at him, and a different sort of smile was fighting its way onto Kevin’s face, a small, soft smile.

It was Earl’s favorite.

His chest was suddenly tight and warm, and his cheeks were hot, and he glanced away and twisted his fingers into the fabric of his skirt. Then he swiftly crossed the room to pull Kevin into an embrace.

“I’m glad you’re home,” he murmured into Kevin’s neck.

Kevin relaxed; Earl could feel the stiffness leaving his body. Kevin’s arms slid up to wrap around Earl’s waist. “Me too,” he said quietly.

Earl held him silently for a moment, just enjoying the feel of him, the warmth. “Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asked finally.

Kevin let out a long breath. “No,” he said. Then, “Not right now. Roger will be here soon, right? I can wait until after the party.”

Earl tightened his hug. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too.” Kevin dipped his head to kiss Earl’s bare shoulder. “Now please, tell me what I can do to help.”

~

Spiderwolf venom made a lovely sauce, if it was reduced properly first. Earl had seen to that this morning, and the chicken thighs had been marinating in it all day. Now they were in the oven, and the delicious smell was wafting throughout the house.

Earl had tied a pink apron on over his dress and returned to the kitchen to finish working on tonight’s meal, leaving Kevin to deal with the vacuuming. Kevin was a little rough with the Hoover, and Earl liked that. (Kevin was also a little rough in the bedroom, and Earl liked that, too.)

Earl peeked through the glass window of the lower oven at the pan of chicken and smiled at the way the skin was starting to flake. Everything was coming together. The potatoes were boiling on the stove, the fresh vegetables were chopped for the salad, and the first pan of rolls had just come out of the top oven. Earl couldn’t wait for Roger’s reaction to the rolls.

The noise of vacuuming ceased abruptly, and then Kevin waltzed into the kitchen, announcing in a sing-song voice, “I’m do-one!”

Earl grinned and kissed him on the mouth. “Thank you,” he said. “Do you want to set the table?”

“I would be _delighted_ ,” Kevin crooned at him, spinning away to collect utensils from the silverware drawer. “Roger’s bringing his girlfriend, right?”

“Yes,” Earl said, “so there’ll be four of us.”

“I’m so excited to finally meet her!”

“You’ll like her. She’s a nice girl.”

“They grew up together, didn’t they?” Kevin puckered his lips as he counted out forks. He was adorable.

“Sort of,” Earl said, smiling. “I mean, Roger was never younger than eleven. But they were in middle school together, before we moved here. He didn’t like her that way back then, though. First there was a boy named Edmond, and then there was a girl named Patrice.”

“Oh?” Kevin paused on his way to the dining room. “I’ve never heard this story. What happened?”

Earl laughed. “They started dating each other, right before we moved.”

“Poor Roger,” Kevin smiled, shaking his head. “But it all turned out all right, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, it seems so.” Earl glanced at the clock. “Oops. They’ll be here any minute. I need to finish the potatoes.” As Kevin bustled off to set the table, Earl set up the potato anvil and began chanting the ancient mashing rites.

~

Roger and his girlfriend arrived promptly at 7:30.

“Hey, Dad,” Roger said warmly. “Hey, Kevin.” He gave them both a kiss on the cheek. “Dad, you remember Megan. Kevin, this is Megan, my girlfriend.”

Kevin gazed up at Roger’s girlfriend—she was quite tall—and clasped his hands together, beaming. “It’s so nice to meet you!”

“Likewise,” Megan said in a cute, low rumble. She toyed with the hem of her purple sheath dress.

“Dinner’s just about ready,” Earl said. “Roger, want to help me get the food to the table? And Kevin, why don’t you show Megan around? It’s her first time seeing the place.”

As Kevin moved off, babbling excitedly about the new Munsch print in the living room, Earl wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders and squeezed tight. “It’s so good to see you,” he said.

Roger grinned. “Yeah.”

“How’s school going?”

“You know, it’s all right. I mean, it’s Night Vale. But it’s all right.”

“Surely you’re not buying into that town rivalry nonsense,” Earl chuckled, steering Roger into the kitchen.

“It’s kind of hard _not_ to, what with Uncle Cecil talking about it all the time on the radio.”

“He’s still going on about that? I guess some things never change.” Earl slipped on a pair of oven mitts and picked up the pan of chicken, carrying it out to the table.

Roger followed with the mashed potatoes. “They really don’t. We were listening to his show on the drive, and I shit you not, Carlos’ hair was today’s _lead story_.”

Earl laughed out loud, setting the chicken on a trivet and leading Roger back into the kitchen to retrieve the rest of the meal.

Behind him, Roger suddenly sucked in a breath. “Oh, praise the _beams_ , you made rolls.”

Earl grinned. “Of _course_ I made rolls.”

“I don’t think Megan has ever eaten a roll in her entire life.” 

~

She hadn’t.

“I almost feel bad about this,” Roger said, taking Megan’s hand and kissing it. “I mean, we can’t get this in Night Vale. It’s illegal. You’re going to hate me. But…it’s just _so good_ , Megan.”

Megan frowned at the roll in her free hand. “So wheat and wheat by-products aren’t illegal in Desert Bluffs?”

“Never have been,” Kevin said.

“Can I get in trouble for eating them here and then going back to Night Vale?”

“No,” Earl said, “believe me, we checked.”

“It smells so good,” Megan allowed finally, raising the roll toward her mouth.

Earl couldn’t help but grin. All the men at the table were staring at her, waiting excitedly for her reaction.

She opened her mouth. She took a bite. She chewed. She swallowed.

Her eyes rolled back. “Oh. My. _Spire_ ,” she breathed.

“ _Right_?” Roger exclaimed.

“Oh, I wish I hadn’t waited until I was full to eat this,” Megan moaned. “I want to eat _so many_.”

Earl smiled at Kevin, reaching out to hold his hand under the table. Dinner had gone so well. Everything had come out perfectly, and Megan was the same sweet girl he remembered, and Roger seemed so happy.

And something had happened to Kevin today, something bad, but here he was doing his best to be cheerful, to make this party exactly what Earl had wanted it to be. Earl knew Kevin had a deep-seated impulse to put himself last, to lose himself in following instructions. It was a behavior that had been cruelly, violently trained into him. Years and years of horror and pain had ground Kevin’s sense of self-worth into ash, leaving him meek, malleable, supplicant, barely able to even identify what he wanted, let alone ask for it.

Just thinking about it turned Earl’s stomach.

Earl was so thankful for Kevin, for his kindness, for his thoughtfulness, for his sweet smile and his perpetual willingness to help. But Kevin was still learning how to be selfish in a healthy way. He needed help too. He needed someone to care for him the way he cared for others.

That, Earl had decided long ago, was his life’s purpose.

~

Once the dinner detritus was cleared away, they moved to the living room to relax with coffee. Earl slipped into the kitchen and returned with a cake, all aglow with candles.

“Oh, man,” Roger sighed happily, “I get a cake, too?”

“You only turn 19 once!” Kevin chirped.

“Ideally, anyway,” Earl half-muttered. He smiled and set the cake down on the coffee table. “Make a wish, Roger.”

Roger glanced quickly at Megan, hunched his shoulders, and blew out the candles.

~

It was late when Roger and Megan finally headed back to Night Vale.

“Are you sure you won’t stay the night?” Kevin asked. “Will you be okay to drive? It’s awfully dark.”

“We do have a guest room,” Earl offered, torn between wanting Roger to stay and wanting time alone with Kevin.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Roger said. “I got up pretty late today. I’m not tired. And we’ve got classes tomorrow.”

“Well, thank you so much for coming. I love seeing you. And it was such a delight to meet you, Megan!”

For the longest time, nothing Kevin said had ever sounded sincere—not even his most genuine, heartfelt feelings. His false cheerfulness suffused each word with a sense of deception, such that it was impossible, at least for most people, to know what he was really thinking. Earl had actually never had much of a problem, but he’d noticed other people’s confusion, and so he’d been working with Kevin on his inflection. The smiles on Roger and Megan’s faces let him know the project was going well.

“Thanks, Kevin. Love you.” Roger leaned in for a hug. “Love you, Dad.”

“Love you,” Earl and Kevin chorused.

~

Earl let out a long, satisfied sigh and collapsed onto the couch. “The party went great,” he said. “Thank you, Kevin.” He held out his hands, inviting Kevin to join him.

Kevin took his hands and settled down onto the cushion beside him. He was smiling, but this time it was his shaky, trying-too-hard smile.

“Really,” Earl stressed, squeezing Kevin’s hands. “Thank you. I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long to tell me about your day. What—what is it?”

Kevin withdrew his hands, hugged his elbows. “Well, it’s nothing huge,” he said, which of course meant it _was_ something huge. “I just—saw Vanessa today, is all.”

“Oh,” Earl said. “Oh, sweetheart.”

“She said—she said she could never forgive me.” Kevin’s eyes looked painfully dry. “She’s never said that to me. She’s never said anything _like_ that to me. Ever.” His fingers tightened around his elbows. “Vanessa is—was—the sweetest, gentlest person I ever knew. Before you. It’s a tie now.”

Kevin took a breath, huffing it out as he threw himself back against the couch. “She’s right not to forgive me,” he spat. “I don’t know why she was so kind to me all those years. It was more than I deserve. Everyone should hate me, I deserve that.” He glowered at his lap. “You didn’t know me before. You don’t know. I—I _killed_ people. I _liked_ it. I’m a fucking _monster_ and I don’t deserve _anything_ I have. And here you are taking care of me like I’m all sweet and innocent and I’m _not_. I’m not _innocent_ , Earl, I’m _terrible_ , you deserve so much better than me, all I am is a burden on you—” He broke off with a sob. “And now I’m _crying_ and it’s _emotional blackmail_ and it’ll make you feel like you _have_ to comfort me, like you have to stay with me. You’re afraid to leave me because of what I might do…”

“No, baby, no.” Earl took Kevin’s hands again, pulled them into the riot of polka-dot fabric in his lap. “I don’t want to leave you. I’ve never, not once, wanted to leave you. I—”

He dropped his gaze to their hands. “All my life, I’ve wanted to love someone,” he said. “That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I never—I thought loving someone would be enough. That that was all I needed. That I just needed someone to let me love them.”

He felt Kevin’s hands shift beneath his, and he loosened his grip. Kevin turned his palms upward and curled his fingers around Earl’s, and Earl squeezed tight.

“I never knew what it would be like,” Earl said, and his voice came out raspy and choked, and he coughed and swallowed and blinked against the burning in his eyes. “To have someone who wanted to love _me_.” He sucked in a breath; it made a loud snuffling sound. He met Kevin’s eyes and saw that they were wet. “You’re _not_ a monster, love. You never were. You…” Earl always chose his words carefully when this subject came up. Kevin was not blameless, and to tell him he was would simply reinforce the denial he’d been fighting since he was finally freed from the Smiling God. “You’re human,” he said, and he let go of Kevin’s hands and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re human, and you were abused. And sometimes when humans are abused, it’s easier for them to become abusers themselves. That’s what happened. But you’re not an abuser _now_ , Kevin. You’re not an abuser _now_.”

~

It was almost dawn by the time Kevin fell asleep, curled up on their bed, trembling intermittently. Earl ran a comforting hand up and down his arm, watching his eyelids twitch and his chest rise and fall. When he was sure Kevin was out, he sighed, rolled onto his back, and sat up. “Vanessa,” he said softly.

The room was silent.

“I know you’re real, Vanessa,” Earl continued. “I know you’re haunting him. And…I can’t say I don’t understand. He _is_ the reason you died. I just…I just wish you would leave him alone.”

Earl leaned his forearms on his knees and gazed at the carpet. “Kevin is the best thing that ever happened to me, Vanessa. My life has been an utter mess. I was stuck as a teenager for decades. I loved someone who could never love me. I never felt like I had any control over _anything_.

"When I moved here—when I met Kevin—it all changed. I didn’t even realize how unhappy I’d been until I saw how happy I _could_ be. And that’s—that’s because of Kevin.”

He raised his head. “I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make Kevin happy. I’ll do that no matter how sad he is. I’ll stay with him even if this happens every day, Vanessa. He is not who he was. This Kevin, the Kevin he is right now, deserves a chance to make up for what the old Kevin did. He could do _so_ much good. Think about who he was before Strexcorp, before the Smiling God. He could be that again. Or someone different, who knows? But he is _not_ what he was.”

“Why do you think I’m angry?” came a sudden gravelly voice at Earl’s ear. He flinched, but managed not to shake the bed. “ _Now_ he’s different. _Now_ he’s better. He’s got it all, _now_. Now that I’m _gone_.”

Earl turned his head, slowly. A grey, translucent apparition had materialized beside him. He swallowed. “You—you were going to get married, right?”

Vanessa held up her left hand. A diamond shone there.

“I—I’m sorry.” Earl raised his eyes to her emotionless face. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to have what you wanted.”

“I was the one who comforted him,” Vanessa said. “Back in the days of Strexcorp. Out in that otherworld desert. It was me. I stayed with him for so many years, Earl Harlan. And _this_ is how he repays me. By _leaving_ me.”

“Vanessa.” Earl stood up. “I don’t know if you loved Kevin before. I wasn’t around then. But it’s pretty obvious you don’t love him now.”

The specter hissed. “What do _you_ know of my feelings?”

“You don’t want Kevin to be happy,” Earl accused, crossing his arms. “You just want him to need you.”

Vanessa’s image seemed to flicker. The laundry hamper across the room started to vibrate, and then it fell over with a soft thud. The mirror over the dresser began rattling, and the blinds, which had been pulled up to the top of the window behind the draperies, abruptly unfurled onto the sill with a loud clatter.

Earl ignored all of it. “If you really loved Kevin, you’d be happy that he’s happy now.”

“You—you know _nothing_ —”

“I know Kevin. And I know that he loved you, and what happened to both of you is awful and I am so sorry it did. But I also know that I love Kevin, and I’m going to love him forever. And if there comes a time when he would be happier without me…then I’ll step aside. Because I love him.”

A loud sob suddenly issued forth from the pile of blankets on the bed. Earl wheeled, surprised, as Kevin waded out from under the covers and clambered off the bed to his side. “Earl,” he choked out, flinging his arms around him.

Earl held him tightly. “I’m here,” he said. “I love you.”

“I heard—I heard—what you said—to Vanessa.” Kevin turned his head toward the ghost. “Vanessa,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry.”

Vanessa flickered again, vanished, reappeared a good distance away, near the door. “I still love you, no matter what he says,” she scowled.

“I love you too,” Kevin sniffled. “I’ll always love you, Vanessa.”

“Hmph,” the ghost said. She turned away. “I—I take back what I said this afternoon. I forgive you, Kevin.” She brought her hands together in front of her, tangling her fingers. “For falling in love with someone else,” she clarified. “I was never angry at you for anything besides that.”

“You—you weren’t?”

“No, of course not. It was _not_ your fault that I died.” The ghost looked pointedly at Earl.

Earl coughed. “Sorry,” he said quietly.

For a long moment there was silence. Earl held Kevin, stroking his back, kissing his hair. Kevin cried softly. Vanessa hovered, flickering, at the door.

Finally, Earl spoke again. “So…”

Vanessa laughed, a little harshly. “It doesn’t look like even _this_ is enough to allow me to pass on,” she said, “so I guess I’ll be hanging around awhile longer. Hope you two don’t mind.”

Kevin offered her a teary smile. “I’m glad I’ll still get to see you,” he said.

“And I’d love to get to know you,” Earl offered.

She shut him down with a look. “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re not friends, Earl Harlan.”

Earl snorted softly. “No, of course not.”

The ghost rolled her eyes. “Go to sleep, the two of you. You look _exhausted_. I guess that’s one perk of no longer being among the living. I never have to feel the way you look ever again.”

Earl laughed at that. “Yes, ma'am.” He turned to Kevin. “Would you like some water?” Kevin nodded. Earl guided him back to bed, tucked him in, and went to get a glass from the kitchen. When he returned to pass the drink to Kevin and curl up next to him under the covers, the ghost was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not ship this at all, so this was really challenging to write!


End file.
